Be Myself

Hello Online world peeps! How have you been? How’s life treating you lately? How are you? I hope all of you are fine

I am here to tell that I really am grateful that I am in a new city where I can get to live on my own. Although there’s my aunt here, but then I still have to live on my own. No one tells me to sleep early or whatever. But then, I still have to, you know, deal with everything here. Have my own resposibility to study. I know I am not studying as hard as I should be nowadays. I haven’t even do my homeworks.. zzzz.. I don’t know,  But then I feel like lately I’ve been not grateful of what I have.

Just 4 days ago, I’ve burst into tears reminiscing the past and all of those things that really frightens me. The ability to make friends, my family and stuffs from my negative point of view. But then I realize that I can’t hold onto that much longer. I watched motivational videos, How to stay positive, Yoga for depression, I don’t know; its just anything that I thought could help with my worrying. Then there’s a saying in one of the youtube videos “The only thing that you can fear about is the fear itself.” And in another video, the person says if you’re worried, or scared about anything, just do whatever scares you. And you can see that you actually can do it. I tried to do it myself. On tuesday, I went to the the catholic organization’s choir. And I tried to go there myself, not by anyone telling me or really forcing me to do. And then I made it! yay! I practice singing and have lunch with two of the guys in there. So , if we have this fear and we try to face it, we can actually do it. We can actually prove that we can. The only thing that you can fear is that fear itself.

good quote

One good quote

The second thing I learn is to be myself. To be yourself. Don’t fake yourself. No matter what people say to you, no matter what people trying to tell you that this is not gonna work, or this doesn’t suit me. No matter what people tell you, you gotta be yourself. Because there is noone that can be like you. The unique you. It also affects self-confidence. If you are cautious and so afraid of what other people will see you as. You are not going to show yourself. If you don’t have enough courage to do it, well, it’s not going to work either.

Actually the important thing is not thinking negatively. In any situation, if we change our mindset to positive and change the body language as well to a better state; chin up and set your back straight. It affects how you actually feel.

The only thing about me that I really don’t like is myself comparing me to other person and also me being late to class and doing something in not perfect way. Sometimes in a chat group, I really want to reply but then I just delete everything that I want to say, because I feel like this is not important, this is not something that they want to hear. I am scared to people’s opinion sometimes. But then I must realize that those people don’t define me. It’s better to think that they are also people who can have their opinion, if for example, they don’t like it, then they can actually say that to me.

And now I am worried about having too many things to do. I’ve join the legio maria, then the choir, I have become an activist in a computer club as well as photography club and english club. I am worried that I can’t manage all of them. I am worried that I can’t study well, because of them. And that’s also leads to one of my weakness. (I realize that I post a lot on my weaknesses :p too bad) that is indecisive. I don’t want to just make everything to be a mess. So I think if something like this happens, then I need to decide what’s more important to do. This is a situation where I should do what I should do. I must be more prepared, woke up early and do all the things I should do.

Another thing is that I want to get along with one of my friends in class. I don’t know this is not right actually, I need to concentrate on studies more than just making friends right? But then during these 4 years I want to have a good friend or friends that can support each other and you know getting things up have fun and stuff. I realize that I’ve been in that group of friends these days and I try to get away from them(?) I don’t know. I just feel like they’re in their own group and I don’t fit in. Just forget about it lah.

There’s this one habit that I should reduce that is : STALKING. I have been doing this for I don’t know how many years. But then when there’s  an link, or instagram, or something like that, I just feel like I have to check this out, I have to really know this person. Haha. Which is then make me feel pathetic. and regretful. Somehow. But then I keep on doing that. Well, that’s why I must reduce the amount of times I do that. But stalking bloggers is fine righttt.. I mean I like reading other people’s blog. Fashion blogs, freshly pressed wordpress blog as well. And sometimes blogs that I follow.

But I somehow thinks that this situation is what God wants me to do. I have to get through all of these problems in order for me to be a better person, in order for me to build myself further. That’s what Merry Riana said. She is really a pro and really different from me. She’s great, she make her first 1 million dollars in 26 yrs old. She overcome her difficult situation of lack of financial things. But she survived.

For me, my problem is just maybe really small compared to her. I am not really in a critical financial crisis.

I know that my parents still can make me go to a university like this. I must do a payback for them. I really want to take them to travel abroad. He has a plan for me. I sound too religious don’t I. The thing is it’s  not the end. Uni life is for another 4 years. It has just started. Try to get through all of these. Make my own choices. Living on my own feet. Doing with my own hands. Change to a better me. 😀 I am Readyy!

P.S. : If you’re reading this : I hope it doesn’t distract you 😀 Don’t follow me I am not good enough to be a rolemodel 😀